What Does it Take?

No, this post's title does not refer to that wise old owl who pondered how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop......After all.......the world may never know.

This past weekend, we had the joy of celebrating my in-laws' 50 years of marriage. Wow. 50 years. This led me to wonder......in a world where marriage is viewed as throw-away and "try-it-on-for-size", what does it take to stay together for the long haul?

One word: God.

This world is one where everything is against the sanctity of marriage. Sexual allurement is around every corner. The financial world says "have it now, pay the price later." If our needs are not met, we look for greener grass. Oprah, in an episode that I caught this week, even proclaimed that the trend in 2007 and beyond is to redefine and individualize marriage.....have it your way. Wow, have we fallen far from what God intended marriage to be.

Gary Thomas, in his amazingly written book "Sacred Marriage," puts it this way: Marriage is about making you holy. Hmmmmm. Chew on that for a minute. You mean....marriage isn't about meeting my needs? About sexual fulfillment? About a joint bank account and joint accumulation of stuff? No....marriage is about making us more like Christ. It's about filing off the jagged edges. It's about working through the difficult times in order to purify our hearts and minds. That is powerful stuff.

I admire my in-laws for their commitment. I know that my father-in-law would say that after living with him for 50 years, my mother-in-law ought to be about as holy as they get! So the key to a successful and long marriage is Christ-centeredness, but out of that flows several other things that increase the likelihood of success:

• Work hard. Marriage is not automatic. It is hard work most of the time. But the benefits are well worth it.
• Not 50-50.....but 100. You are not opposing parties trying to ensure equity. You are a team, submitting to Christ so that everyone wins.
• Communicate. Men and women are so different in how they perceive human behavior and the world. Add in there the diversity of personal experience and personality, and you have a potentially explosive mix. Keep those lines open every day.
• Play together. Find something that you can do together that you both enjoy. Make it yours.
• Play apart. Keep your individual interests and hobbies alive. Make time to pursue your own interests. Becoming one with another person does not have to mean sacrificing your personal dreams, goals, and interests.
• Date each other. Prioritize time together. This gets harder when you have kids. But I strongly believe that the best gift you could ever give your kids is a healthy and loving marriage, as this gives them a sense of security and safety.
• Realize that there will be times of loneliness in marriage. Where you feel on completely different pages, if not entirely different worlds. Turn to God at these times, and in doing so, you will be turning toward your partner.
• Have a mission statement for your marriage and family. What, in a nutshell, is your marriage about.
• Just....stick....with......it. There is something grand to be said about just honoring your commitment. Do not allow the idea of or the word "divorce" to even enter your vocabulary. God has promised an outflow of blessing to the faithful.
• And in doing so, will come great joy. Will come the richness of blessings that God intended for marriage.

And one more, just for my father-in-law: ALWAYS KEEP A SENSE OF HUMOR! The best man from his wedding, at the open house on Sunday, gave my father-in-law one of those "EASY" buttons. My father-in-law proceeded to hold it against my mother-in-law's back as they danced, with her being unaware. Remember that this life is a journey, we are aliens here, and we need to be able to laugh and maintain God's joy in our circumstances. So is this an appropriate joke for my in-laws?

Nine children later, I'll let you be the judge.