I Remember.

Just as if it was yesterday. I was at home with my first baby--Kennedy was just over a month old and was up for an early-morning nursing session. I was pretty drowsy as I carried her to the couch and flipped on the Today show. I believe it was a Tuesday and it was early, before 8:00 am. And then Matt Lauer announced it--the World Trade Towers had been hit. All of the details were not yet established at that time, and there was a great sense of confusion and urgency, and I will never forget the immediate sense of horror and disbelief. As the morning went on and the words "terrorist attack" entered the picture, I remember just calling my husband and my parents and just wanting to be together with my family.

I also remember that I held Kennedy for that entire morning. Just holding her. And praying. Pleading with God to give us the wisdom and strength to bring up this precious child in such a lost and dark world. Wondering what kind of world we were bringing this precious little life into. Mourning the security and safety that seemed so irreparably damaged. And I remember just feeling this sense of pride in our country, too. That morning, I laid an American flag on our bed, laid my sleeping one-month-old daughter on that flag, and took some photos. Later in the day, I wrote a letter to Kennedy. In that letter, I promised to do whatever was in my power to make her world as safe and secure as I could. I tucked that letter and those photos away, intending to make a scrapbook page later when the time felt right. And I knew that I would always remember.

When I learned that my professional conference would be in New York City this year, I immediately knew that even if I only had the time to see one site, it would be Ground Zero. It is kind of like a journey of the soul for me. A time to really connect with the reality of September 11. Yet, I really didn't know what to expect, nor could I predict the range and rush of emotion that I experienced as I walked up to the site. I remember that some people were laughing and I just wanted them to stop and to be silent and to just listen and see and....remember.

To me, Ground Zero is where the deepest of despair meets and intersects with the most sacred hope. To the naked eye, the site is just a large construction hole where crews continue to remove rubble. But, if you look really closely, you can almost see the mourning and the death and the loss that occurred. The families that were ripped apart. The despair and confusion and deep, deep grief. It is a very sacred place. And, as I stood and beheld the moments, I prayed that God would continue to use this tragedy for His ultimate glory. Because, I believe that it is in the face of the greatest tragedy that hope can be seen the most clearly. And so, for me, this was simultaneously an experience of great despair but also of great hope.

And then, I saw the artwork. Children's artwork. Those of you who know me know that I believe wholeheartedly in the healing power of art and play, so to see these children's paintings spoke very deeply to me. For to me, these paintings were children sharing a little bit of their healing process with the world. So powerful. So therapeutic. Like this one by little Anna, who lost her Daddy:










And this painting of the Twin Towers with an arrow showing the place where this child's "Poppy" was killed on September 11:










And this precious child's depiction of butterflies, which are often a sign of change and transformation and freedom:










I cried and cried as I looked over more than one hundred children's paintings, all of whom were personally touched with a loss that will never fully heal. But just as much as tears of sorrow, these were tears of hope. These children depicted not only their loss but a great sense of hope and forgiveness. Such a lesson for us grown-ups who can get so caught up in our own ideas of what is just and fair and right. Children have such a way about them, a pure sense of forgiving and moving on and remembering yet healing. Such resilience. I am so, so thankful that these children were given the medium of art to express and document and explore and grieve and begin to heal.

Construction is in the beginning stages for a new building on the previous World Trade Center site. It is a large, gorgeous monument entitled the "Freedom Tower" which, when completed, will be the tallest structure in New York (even taller than the Empire State Building). I am so very proud of my country that is taking the most tragic loss of our time and making it into a symbol of hope and healing. God Bless this amazing nation of ours. I am forever changed and forever sensitized following my time at this very sacred place. And when I get home--nearly 6 years later--I think that the time will be right to put that scrapbook page together.