10 on the 10th.

I'm just warning you at the start....this post is long, and it's full of self-disclosure and personal thoughts. If you're dropping in to catch a layout, or a scrapbooking idea, or just a quick funny one of the kids said....today is not the day for you! But be sure to check back tomorrow.....anyway, here goes.......

Every year, as part of my own growth process, I do a "self-assessment" and basically look at several areas of my life to answer the questions like "How am I doing?" and "What am I doing well?" and "What do I need to change/improve?". Over the past couple of years, one area of my life has stuck out to me like a sore thumb as needing some drastic overhaul.

But, to be quite frank, I haven't been ready to face the issue head-on.

It's the area of personal fitness, including weight, nutrition, and overall physical wellness.

I have always been in a battle to maintain my ideal weight. All through my first 20 years, I was a highly active 3-sport athlete, so while I have always had a larger frame, I was always muscular, and fast, and well-coordinated, and regular work-outs and athletic practices kept me healthy. I was honored as most valuable players in all 3 sports in high school, was named female athlete of the year, and earned basketball/softball scholarships to several colleges. I thought that I would "automatically" stay fit and active for life. In fact, I remember that whenever I would have my pulse and blood pressure assessed, nurses would say things like "What do you do? These stats are lower than Michael Jordan's! Keep up the good work."

In graduate school, I really devoted myself to regular workouts and even took up running; as a result of this activity and a low-fat/fat-free diet plan, I shed 80 pounds and reached my lowest weight. I fluctuated within 20 pounds around that weight over the next 5 years, but was happy with my level of physical fitness when Matt and I got married 8 years ago.

But, through the process of having 2 babies, moving 3 times in the past 7 years, being on long periods of bed rest with both pregnancies (we're talking 3 months laying on my left side--not great for muscle tone), and just the general stress of life as a wife/mom/professional, I have gained a lot of weight. I used to belong to a gym and go almost everyday for 60 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weight training. Gradually, I have stopped working out all together in the past 3 years, save for the family bike rides and walks that we go on, and I have stopped caring about what I eat. While I have lost 20-30 pounds at different times over the past 5 years, I have been fluctuating and just haven't gotten to the level of physical wellness that I desire for myself.

And that's not OK with me.

Now, I have never been a person to "stop living" just because I am not at my ideal weight. I am just as active and busy as I have ever been--I play with my kids, take them places, and do lots of active things like biking and camping and playing at the park. I believe that God calls us to keep going and to live with joy, no matter our circumstances or the results of our collective choices. But I want something different for my life, and it is time for me to make some changes.

Now, often in the popular culture, weight loss is viewed as an issue of "getting it under control." However, I've tried that approach, and while it often has worked in the short-term, it is not a long-term approach to wellness. No, rather, I see this as a process of "giving UP control" on my own and instead, keeping my eyes on Jesus and giving this issue to Him. I need to just give it completely to Him, because I have failed miserably by trying to do it by myself. I need His help.

And so, today, on the 10th of September, 2008, I am making a blog-public commitment to stop trying to control this issue on my own, and to lay it at the foot of the cross so Jesus can take it. This commitment is not just about weight-loss; it is about making a stronger priority of personal wellness. I am commiting myself to 10 goals that I believe will help me to succeed in prioritizing fitness, wellness, and physical strength.

Wow, I'm feeling a bit anxious as I am seeing these words typed out in black-and-white, because I realize that in making this public, there is a certain level of accountability. And I want that and need that. I hope that those who read will pray for me as I journey, and ask me about my progress, and maybe even be inspired to join with me if you would like to.

So, today, I am committing to the following 10 steps. Yep, my very own 10-step program! For the next 10 months, I will report my progress on the 10th day of every month. Starting today through June 10, 2009, I will post a photo of myself in a particular outfit to gauge my progress. I am not setting a "number" of pounds that I want to lose, because the changes I am after are not about reaching a particular weight, but about qualitative changes like energy level, how my clothes feel, and, HECK, being able to comfortably cross my legs again! I would love to be able to lose 10 pounds each month for the next 10 months......but I am not committing to that number, nor am I going to judge my success by that measure. I am looking to find and maintain a lifestyle that is sustainable for the long term....not a diet, not a time-limited program.....but a total commitment to giving this up to God and finding how I can best honor Him. So, here goes....the 10 steps to a better level of wellness for me, Nicole Dana McDonald:

1) Morning Commitment Time: Every morning, before getting out of bed, I will pray and specifically give my physical wellness to the Lord. I want to fix my eyes firmly on Him in this process, and prayer to start each day will be an important component of that. I love to begin the day singing the song "Give Me Jesus".........In the morning, when I rise.....in the morning, when I rise.....in the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can take all this world, give me Jesus."

2) Getting Deeper Into the Word: To be honest, my Bible reading in the past couple of years has been pretty stagnant. I have not felt the passion for God's word that I used to, and that hurts me. And it's not OK. I am committing not only to reading the Bible, but to really looking to DELVE DEEPLY into His truths. Right now, as a result of a month-long challenge from a speaker at church last Sunday, I am reading the 6-chapter book of Ephesians every day of September. I'm trusting God to give me insights and to change my life through His words, which are alive and life-giving. I'm thinking that God may lead me to spend more time really focusing in and meditating on smaller bites of the word, so we'll see how He leads. One area that I really want to dive into is what it truly means to be created in His image (PSalm 139) and to be "created" by the Creator.

3) Nutrition: I have always found the Weight Watchers points system to be very helpful. I am going to incorporate a few specific changes: Making 75% of my diet fruits and veggies, with the remaining 25% for protein/starches; drinking at least 100 ounces of water per day; finding healthier alternatives for dessert (i.e., fruit desserts, using frozen FF Cool Whip instead of ice cream, baking with pumpkin); minimizing "run throughs" at fast food places except for occasional treats. And, maybe most importantly, schedule a couple of meals per month to eat whatever I want.....even if that includes fried seafood with tartar sauce! Moderation is going to become my mantra!

4) Walking: I firmly believe that one key to healthy LIFELONG wellness is walking. I am committing to walking at least 5 days as week, combined with sessions on the Ellypitcal CrossTrainer and the Urban Rebounder. I will park further out in the parking lot at work and stores, just to get some extra steps in. I will continue to walk with my family, and also to set aside quiet time to walk by myself. Eventually, I would love to walk a half-marathon.....but I'm not quite ready to commit to that yet :)

5) Increase and Maintain Family Activity Time: We are pretty good at this, but I want to show commitment to it by making it one of my steps. Whether this means going on a walk or bikeride as a family, or geocaching out in the woods, or playing softball, or just running around at the park with the kids, I want this to stay a normal part of our family time together. This will also help us to make sure that our family focus is on together-time and relationships, as opposed to a media focus on TV/Computer, etc.

6) Creative Time: This is critical for my mental health, stress level, and overall frame of mind. I am passionate about living a creative life and, for me, that means that I need DAILY time creating. Somes days, that may mean that I only get 30 minutes taking photos or working on a layout. Other times, it may mean that I get away for a full weekend of creative time. I commit to making sure that creative time happens for me on a daily basis as well as full days/weekends every month.

7) Weight Training: I want to feel strong again! I used to have leg and arm definition that people would constantly comment on! And it just feels good to be strong and fit! I commit to weight training 3 days a week, and I can't wait to feel that good "pump" of muscle that comes from a challenging weight workout. It's been too long.

8) Reemphasizing Family Meals at Home: We are pretty good about sitting down at the table together most nights as a family; however, we also like to eat out frequently. I want to cook more, both alone and with the kids, and use the opportunity to get creative about cooking and learn some new recipes. I am committing to cooking on most nights of the week, and to saving eating out for special occasions or exceptionally busy days. I want to "expand" my cooking skill repertoire and try lots of new healthy recipes. I want to feel as passionate about creating in my kitchen as I do about creating in my scrap studio.

9) Rejecting Black/White Thinking: OK, for you non-psychology majors, this may not mean a lot to you.....I tend to be an "all or nothing" thinker when it comes to nutrition. I think, "OK, I just ate a piece of chocolate, so I might as well have whatever I want for dinner while I'm at it, since I already ruined the day nutritionally." I will NOT think this way any more. I will ask God to help me replace these thoughts with healthier ones. And I WILL eat small amounts of chocolate regularly. :) Hmmmm, sounds like God and I are going into the business of cognitive therapy on this one!

10) Gratitude: Just as creativity is a way of life, so is gratitude. I want to live a life of gratitude, and be deliberate about it. I want people to see that I am grateful not just because we have a nice home, and good kids, and so many other material and immaterial blessings....I want them to look past that and see my God, from whom all of these blessings flow! A life of gratitude is sweet and pleasing to the Lord, and I want Him to be my source of strength and praise and life.

Whew, this has to be my longest post yet! And to tell you the truth, just writing this has welled within me a sense of joy, of a new start, of excitement for the journey. I know that I will face many tough days......starting with tomorrow, probably! But I also know that Jesus is there with me every step and every stumble and every fall, and with Him, I will be able to make progress and claim victory in this battle.

Again, I appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts as I begin this 10-month journey. Be sure to look for my updates on the 10th of every month! I know that I will learn a lot about God, and myself through this process. And, if you find yourself inspired to join me in some or all of these steps, please contact me so that we can talk about joining together in this journey. I would love to share with you and encourage each other to give it up to Jesus.....and then just see how He is going to work beyond our wildest imaginations!