Counting Today's Blessings.

I am thankful for so many things today. Like the gorgeous pink-purple-and-various-shades-of-orange sunset out my back window this morning. And games of Candy Land with my kids. And games of Pretty-Pretty Princess with my play therapy students. And getting to teach a whole college course all about play. And bowls of hot soup, slices of fresh-baked bread with peanut butter, and kids loving this wholesome food. And new colorful stoneware bowls from my mother-in-law, who knew that they would be perfect in my kitchen. And a special after-Christmas package from my college roommate.....I just knew it would be good when I spied the tell-tale red wrapping with the simple Pottery Barn label with off-white twill ribbon. And more melting snow. And plenty of cuddling with my kids. And a special reading time with my daughter before she drifted off to sleep. And a productive church leadership meeting. And some sit-down and talk time with my husband. And my computer. And creative blogs that inspire me. And Caffeine Free Diet Coke. And tomorrow is Friday and pay day and my son's second day of preschool. And a birth announcement--welcome little Jaden William Lee. And no bills in the mail!! And just thanking God for all these little blessings which are really, really big stuff after all.

Heaven's splendor.

Kennedy: Mommy, will there be lots of diamonds and gold in heaven?

Me: Yes, Kennedy, the Bible tells us that even the streets will be made of gold. Doesn't that sound so awesome and beautiful?

Kennedy: I think there'll be big, huge piles of gold all around, Mommy.

Me: Maybe. We'll have to wait and see when we get there.

Kennedy: Mommy, do you think I'll have jewels and a crown.

Me: Yes, Baby Girl. You will have a beautiful crown with jewels. That's what God promised. How cool, huh?

Kennedy: Mommy?

Me: Yes, Sweet Girl?

Kennedy: Does that mean that the boys will wear tiaras??

Ah, I love my sweet girl's 5-year-old perspective on heaven. So, so sweet and innocent. I love that she is curious and has lots of questions. And, especially, that she has Jesus in her heart and will see with her own eyes and experience with her whole being the beyond-our-imagination beauty and splendor of heaven.

Big First for my "Wittle" Boy.

I am a proud and somewhat melancholic Mommy tonight. My little boy had his very first day of preschool today, and I experienced quite a range of emotions. Proud but anxious. Excited but saddened. You see, he is my youngest right now. I'm not sure at this point if we will have another baby (though I would really love to, but that's for another posting!), so there is a chance that he will be my last one to send off for a first day of preschool. So, while I am confident in him and sure that this will be a growing experience for him, I am also sad that this marks, in some ways, the beginning of the process whereby he will gradually spend less time with me and more with other influential adults. This is good, very good. But it also means that he is growing up, and quickly. And that is always bitter sweet. Hayden was so excited to put on his backpack. And, yes, we went with the camo shirt, which looked so precious with his matching T-rex hat and big-boy Gap jeans and Gap school bus back-pack. And he still stated that he wanted to ride the big yellow school bus with his sister. But, he seemed OK this morning with the fact that that won't happen until he's in kindergarten. However, I think he also sensed that this was big and might be a little bit scary at first. Last night, as we were talking about the big day, he looked at me and said, in words so sweet and so beyond his years, "Mommy, but I am a wittle boy." Part of me screamed to myself "What am I doing sending him to school? He is just a wittle boy!" But, then again, I think that's a natural part of those first steps of letting go for moms. Hayden especially loved that the preschool room is well-stocked with trains and cars, and he gravitated toward those toys immediately upon entering the room. The third photo is, of all the many photos I took today, the one that really speaks to me. It was almost as if that little car was a security for him, if only for a fleeting second, as he sat there taking in this new place, this new experience. And then he was off to the trains and never looking back. The coloring and projects? Well, they are not necessarily his activities of choice at this point, but that will come. He is a go-er, a do-er, a hands-on little guy. Thankfully, the class is only six kids, so he will get plenty of personal attention and hugs and reassurance and structure when necessary. It was so, so precious and heart-warming to see my daughter, who had this same preschool teacher, take her little brother's hand, show him where to hang his coat, and show him some of the fun things to do in preschool. What a good teacher and Mommy she will be someday. Yes, a big day for both wittle boy and Mommy.

And today was the official start to my effort to revamp my family's eating and exercise habits. We did great on the eating front--lots of veggies including fresh homemade veggie soup that both kids helped me make, along with fresh bread. Oatmeal and fruit for breakfast, along with a salad and soup for lunch. Peanut butter and bananas for a snack. Tomorrow, I am planning on our first family activity night--either playing softball at the gym or some family time on the trampoline. Come spring, I am praying that we have more energy, more motivation, and more commitment to choosing active outings for our family time. So far, no major chocolate cravings, though I am well-armed with lowfat hot cocoa and Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches for when the inevitable happens!!

Back to School.

School is a big theme in our house this week. My daughter headed back to kindergarten today and decided that she is not quite ready to go back yet, and that she would like a few more days of vacation. I'm sure there were several more students and teachers feeling that way today, including my husband, who also went back to his job as a high school administrator. Tomorrow, my son starts his first preschool experience. YIKES! We went and picked out a new outfit today--he chose a camoflauge GAP shirt with a t-rex on it--am I really going to send me son to school in camo?? I guess this is where I need to set my maternal preferences aside and let him wear what he likes. His school bus backpack is ready to go and he is very excited to wear his backpack to school. He would also like to be riding the big yellow bus to school with Kennedy, but he will have to wait a couple of years for that. I am having lots of mixed emotions--I'm not sure that he is entirely ready but I think the experience will be very good for him. Today, as I was talking about preschool and preparing him for tomorrow, he looked at me and said, "But, Mommy, I am still a wittle boy." Oh, my. But in the next breath, he said "I want to go to school and play with the trains with Mrs. P" He knows they have trains because this is the same room his big sister attended. So, we will see how it goes. It is only a few hours a week and I am looking forward to see this awesome world of learning open up to him in a new way. I know that I will continue to be--as I will always be--his main teacher. The camera and batteries are ready for the big day. Now, where is that extra Kleenex box?

One word for '07.

I have been doing some soul-searching in response to an Ali Edwards challenge to choose a word to guide your life and creative work in 2007. After some thinking and pondering, I have decided to choose a fairly simply word: BE.

BE.

I really don’t see that tiny two-letter word all by itself much. It seems that it is almost always used as a relatively insignificant word that leads up to a more powerful action verb or adjective. Be creative. Be playful. Be aware. Be open. Be still. Be inspired. Be energetic. Be patient…and, surely, these are very powerful and inspirational phrases.

But what about all by itself. Just BE. Where is “be” without another verb or adjective paired with it? This is the sole word and the question I am challenging myself to explore and live out in 2007. What does it mean to just BE. Period. BE.

For me, to just BE seems so basic, foundational and simple, yet very, very far from easy. To just BE means full awareness and presence in one’s existence. For me, the word BE is the essence of the Bible verse that I have chosen for my life. The verse from Isaiah speaks of the promise that God has known each one of us intimately since before we were born and that He has created us uniquely. “And while I was yet in my mother’s womb, you knew me. I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” That is awesome. I, in the essence of me, am fearfully and wonderfully made. I don’t have to do something to deserve it. I don’t have to earn it or achieve it or buy it or prove that I am worthy of it. God’s promise is that when I just BE in Him, I am at my best, my fullest, what I was made to be.

My definition of BE involves living authentically in God’s promises. It is involves intentionality. Awareness. Contentment. Surrender. Stillness. In essence, to BE involves being who I was created by God to be—nothing more and nothing less. It does not mean stagnation and laziness and deadness and resignation; on the contrary, I think some amazing growth and life and insight can be gained when we just BE. But it is hard. So hard. Without always having to strive and achieve and attain. Content. Settled. Living life. BEing.

In our world today, so much goes against a person’s natural God-given drive to just BE. We are pushed to do more and more, fill our calendars, fill and empty and fill and empty our wallets, and to go, go, go. And when we really stop, and are honest, we sometimes realize that we are living somehow disconnected from ourselves. Numb. Empty. Mindless. No intention. No passion or conviction or burn. Going through each day, yes, but with no time to just BE. I have found myself there as of late. This sad place of living without truly BEing. Not really even knowing or remembering who--truly who is this me?--it is that I need to BE. And I know that many are there with me. So this is the year that I explore what it means to BE and to discover ways to just BE in my own life in 2007 and beyond. And maybe, just maybe, I can inspire others to do the same.

Wow, for a lifelong over-achiever, go-getter, and someone who is always very busy, involved, and scheduled personally and professionally, it will be a difficult challenge to infuse this word into my everday life and existence. Just to BE who our awesome God made me to be. To reduce the distractions and fluff and accolades and empty busy-ness and stuff and things, and to just authentically BE. I am anxious to get started, up for the challenge and looking forward to growing and stretching and reflecting and creating by just, simply, BEing.

Loving my Normal.

My life has been a little unusual the past few days. My husband and kids, who are still on their school break, headed off to my in-laws' house, while I stayed back to teach my university course. They left on Wednesday and did not return until late Saturday afternoon, meaning that I had more than 2 full days of time at home by myself. I can't remember the last time that happened. At first, I was savoring the idea and all the possibilities that laid ahead of me. Lots of time to organize. To scrap. To clean. To lounge. To think and write. To just do my own thing. Yes, my life was very different for those few hours. When I cleaned the kitchen, IT STAYED CLEAN! If I picked something up off the floor, IT STAYED PICKED UP! No little bodies climbing into bed with me at 3:30 am. No tripping over Thomas the Train or Little Pets or balls or crayons or......No constant cries for my attention. No laundry piling up. No shoes piled in front of the front door. No dirty socks to pick up. No needs to attend to except for my own. But, soon, very soon, I realized that while the house looked more picked-up than it has in a long time and while the house was very quiet and peaceful, a lot--SO MUCH--was missing. No spontaneous laughter. No hugs or kisses or little voices saying "I wub you, Mommy." No hand-written love notes from my little girl. No remnants of imaginary play set-ups littering every room of the house. No tuck-ins or bed time stories or freshly-bathed bodies or cups of hot cocoa together. No rosy-red cheeks from the outside cold and no begging to play a game or read that book just one more time or play with me. It was quiet. It was boring. It was lonely at times. It was not home. So, tonight, my family is back where they belong--BACK AT HOME--all tucked into bed snug....except for my husband, who is in his favorite spot watching the game on the couch. My living room is scattered with Little Pets and Nerf foam darts, laundry hampers are overflowing once again, shoes are piled in front of my front door, the kitchen is in disarray, and I tripped over a pile of trains coming up the stairway. My daughter has pouted and my son has thrown a fit because "It's not fair." I spy a dirty pair of my husband's socks on the floor. And my son just crawled sleepy-eyed into bed with me and fell back asleep laying on my arm, his favorite place in the whole world. And all is well. All is right. All is normal. I am thanking the Lord in an extra-special way tonight for the everyday blessings that I so often overlook and undervalue. How often, sadly, do we totally and completely miss the richness of the everyday details of our lives because we are looking beyond, taking for granted, wanting something more, something different, and just not taking the time to really SEE and EXPERIENCE and APPRECIATE. Yes, I love, love, LOVE my normal life.

New Year Organizing.

The past few evenings have been all about organizing for me. First, I got all of the Christmas decorations--with the exception of the few stranglers that I will still be finding in March!--organized, packed into their respective containers, and packed back into the Christmas closet. It is pretty packed to the brim, meaning that we must have acquired a few new things this year! While I truly love to have my house decorated for the holidays, it is also refreshing to have things "back to normal"--seems clean and fresh and symbolic of the start of the new year. I can already feel January slipping away--YIKES! I am responsible for my daughter's kindergarten Valentine's party, so I had better get planning! Most of my other organizational projects this weekend have involved my scrap room. I finally have all of my stamps in place--much-used wooden ones organized on open shelves with others in the closet, while acrylic stamps are ordered in baskets under my work table--and it is so wonderful to know right where things are. I also tagged all of my vertical paper organizers with metal-rimmed circle tags and colorful ribbon--isn't it darling? It just makes me want to keep tagging! Actually--and my sisters will laugh at this one--it reminds me of the time that my mom went crazy with the labeler and actually labeled each and every shelf in the pantry cupboard.....each and every canned good had its place, and you had better not get it confused. We all thought that she had seriously gone off the deep end! Barring this crazy extreme, organization feels good. My husband also built me some shelves for our front library room--soon to become a type of family library/music room--so I am in for some more organizing after he gets those shelves in place. They cover a full wall in the room, and I am so ready to get my books and pottery collection out of the packing boxes. Happy organizing!